Still in denial.

If only I would have known babe that this was going to happen there is so much I would have done. I would have never let you go, I would have let you say good bye for the last time. I still cant believe that youre gone. I go through my day and think of our life together. Two amazing years of happiness and love and to think that its over already makes me hurt so badly. I feel so empty so alone. I have put on a good face most of the time and have ignored the pain that beats on the door to my heart every day, but its catching up with me. Either I pay now or I pay later but one way or another I am going to break. I am not going to be able to stand on my own two feet once I realize that I really have lost you. I can say the words and tell the story but its not real to me yet. It not my life that has been destroyed. Its not our future that is no more. I was looking at our wedding pictures today and it seems like only yesterday that we were having the time of our lives. We were in Jamiaca living it up not having a care in the world. I want to go back to that time. I want to be intertwined and safe in your arms. I want to look in your eyes and know that everything is good and right. How am I going to do this baby? I miss you so much. There is no one that makes me feel like you do. There is no one I can talk to like you. There is no one to tell me its going to be ok. People try but noone compares to you. You are my everything. You are my best friend, no you were my everything and you were my best friend but you arent here anymore and I hate it. I am lost with out you. Every part of me longs for you to come back. Holy shit I cant believe youre really gone. I have to start believing so I can start healing. I have to but I dont want to so badly. No bradley you cant be dead. NO NO NO . Please god no.