Brad,

Hey babe, I miss you a lot today. I was reminded today that the rest of the world is just as busy as they were two weeks ago when my world stopped. I got cut off on the freeway, I heard people complaining because the waitress at the restaurant didnt notice their beer was empty, and finding parking in Downtown Balitmore was insane. I have so many people willing to sit down and talk to me, sit down and listen to me, and sit down and cry with me but they aren't you. I cant talk to anyone like I talked to you. I can laugh, or joke, or complain to anyone like you. Nothing is the same. Everyone is being so nice to me, you should see all the support Ive gotten. I didnt even have to pay for dinner tonight... you'd be glad about that considering I spent $140.00 on a rental car for one day... sorry :/ I miss hearing your voice. I miss planning our next big vacation. I miss talking about our next baby. I miss everything. I miss your touch and your kisses, your smell and your smile. I miss making you oatmeal in the morning. I miss cooking dinner for you at night. I miss doing the dishes, making our bed, doing our laundry. Its the simple things that I miss the most. It's those little things that made our marriage so special.

You always would tell me we were meant to be and that we were soulmates. I never told you how cheesy I thought the term "Soulmates" was but deep down I really knew we were made for each other. You are my best friend and I miss you so. Oh, people have started to write their memories about you and I am going to make a book for Chlo. It will be our bedtime story book. I know how important bedtime stories were going to be for you... you called it and bath time daddy bonding time. I wish we would have video taped you reading a few books to her like we had talked about. That would have been so special. But its too late now. I wish we would have done a lot of things. If only I knew this was how it was going to end. Im trying really hard not to let myself "what if" and regret things between us. But its hard. Even stupid things like not going to Branson with you when you wanted. Or complaining about going to the zoo. Ill go to the zoo with you anytime you want just please come back. Its so hard not to think that way. Its hard not to think that I could have been a better wife or done more to make you happy. I know all of these emotions are a part of the grieving process I just hate them. My heart is broken. It literally hurts with longing for you. Yet I know you are really gone. I know I cant ever see you no matter how hard I wish. You wont ever be able to kiss Chloe or help me yell at her when her report card is bad. How am I going to do this without you? How am I going to be ok. I don't want to be ok with out you. I don't want to be strong. I don't want you to be gone. And yet you are. This is my life now. There is no changing it. You are gone. I am mad at you for leaving us. I love you Brad but I wish you would have just kept your head down.... I miss you

love,
Your lonely wife.