Dear Brawley,

Hey babe, I met with a financial adviser today. You would have loved it because all we talked about was budgets. I miss talking to you almost every day about our budget and you always calculating something... Oh. I was driving to this guys office and on the way I heard a Taylor Swift song.. it made me think of how you would always make me "sing" along with her. We would make so much fun of her but both of us liked her deep down. I smiled when I thought of all of our driving around and just singing along to all the different song that would come on. My favorite was when a sublime song came on and you would get really into it. I was talking with your mom today and I remembered when we would be driving and you would reach over and squeeze my knee right where it tickles and asks if I was boy crazy... sure enough every time I "was" boy crazy. You loved to make me laugh. I miss that.

I'm kind of scared of what to do with some of the money, I wish you were here to talk it over with me. You always knew what would be the best thing and even when you didn't really know you were so confident about it that I would just go along with you. It's hard now having to make these big decisions alone. I want to do the best thing for Chloe and me. As I was listening to music in the car ride to the Financial guys office I felt as if nothing in my life was the same anymore. I got stuck behind this slow person driving and I didn't care. You would have passed them for sure but it didn't matter. Nothing seems to matter. Music doesn't sound the same. Food doesn't taste as good.I dread turning on the radio because I'm afraid I'll hear a song that reminds me of you. My world just seems to be on hold. I drove to the bank today to deposit some checks and I got all the way there and it was closed because of the holiday. I didn't care. When I drove past the Moto Mart on Troy- O'Fallon rd. I almost stopped and got a Monster just like you always did. I remember even when I was like 9 months pregnant you would ask me to get out of the car and go get you a stupid blue Monster... I would always complain about it but I loved to do it for you. I don't know if I'll ever be able to drink a blue monster without crying again... there will be a lot of things like that I suppose.

I miss you so much. Oh I heard on the radio an ad for some GS jobs in the STL and DC area including linguistics. They're holding interviews sometime soon in STL so I think I might apply, although I don't have a resume made up yet. Maybe I'll get someone to help me with one. Chloe has really started to laugh and smile and "talk" a lot more. You would think she was so cute. I wish you could see her and hold her. She is starting to look more and more like you I think... but she has my ears, poor girl! and She still has momma feet like you called them. She is so sweet babe. I wish I could see you with her now. She is such a different baby then when you left. I will try to do my best in raising her how we talked about. I am so scared I won't be able to do as good of job with out you. You were my strength, I'm trying to be as strong as I can for you though. I miss you sweet boy. I love you and I gave that girly a kiss for you. Love you.

xoxo,
Your lonely wife