Brad,

Hey Brad, today I went to visit Lassie in the hospital. I was really nervous. I didnt know what I was going to say or how I was going to react. I cried some. It was very bittersweet. I am glad to see him doing well. Of course I wish you were there with him too. I wish that I could be by your side telling you that everything is going to be ok. I wish that I could give you a hug and tell you I will love you no matter what. I wish that I could grab your hand like I did Mikes and cry and know that we would get through it. I wish you were just really badly injured instead of being dead. Im jealous of Mikes family and friends. I envy them as the sit in the hospital room talking about rehab and recovery for Mike. I am so thankful that he will be ok. He has some hard days ahead of him but I know just from today's visit that he will push through. I know that he feels guilty but I told him that he has absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. He was spared and you were not and that it just the way it worked out. He deserved to live just as much as you did but it just wasnt meant to be for you I guess. He got to hold Chlo. She was such a sweet girl today. She slept most of the day and never cried! I was so thankful that she was so well behaved. It's like she knew what was going on.

On the way home I heard that Miley Cyrus song Living in the USA and I couldnt help but think of the time we were at Wendys getting our frostys when you told me that she sang that song. I didnt believe you until we got our CRV and it came on XM with her name on the title. I remember how proud of yourself you were that you were right. I miss moments like that. I can just imagine your big cheesy grin and your cocky "I told you so face". I missed you a lot today Brawley boy. As I was driving to the hospital I drove through some residential areas and looked at all the different houses. They were beautiful. I know you would have been pointing out all the brick houses and saying I like that one, that ones a nice one. Or thats the kind of house I want one day. I can just imagine us living in one of those houses with the wooden shutters and the big columns on the front porch. I couldnt wait for us to finally move to a place and build our house like we talked about. I had already started think of paint colors for our bedroom. I guess it will be a while now until I settle somewhere enough to buy a house. It wont be the same though. The fire in the fireplace wont be as warm. The coat closet will be half empty. Your shoes wont be lying around everywhere. It just wont seem like much of a home without you. They say your home is where your heart is. I guess I'm homeless because the only thing in my heart right now is a huge hole. It hurts. I miss you Brad and I wish you were here. I love you with all of my heart. I miss hearing you say I love you to me. But I smile because I know how much you do love me. Miss you.

Love,
Your lonely wife